Fat by Keene James

Author:Keene, James [Keene, James]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: MrBear Publishing
Published: 2012-03-15T07:00:00+00:00

PARK BENCH

Running has to be the worst activity ever. Propelling oneself for the sake of propelling oneself is idiotic. I feel like crap during the entire run – a little lightheaded, eyes blurry from sweat, nose and throat filled with a slurry of spit and snot, chest burning, nipples chafing, stomach cramping, sore butt and thighs, noodle-y legs, shin splints, and achy arches. Then I feel great when it’s over. I guess I have to do it because my masochistic body tells me it’s good for me. I anticipate today being no different: feeling awful for forty minutes, then getting a wave of satisfaction for pushing my body past some self perceived limit. I guess some of the high has to do with the fact that I’m pre-paying the penance for the chocolate shake I’m going to have after dinner tonight. Cave men always stayed in shape from needing to run everywhere to catch food. I have to run to get rid of food.

I usually run near a park by my house. It is a pleasant patch of grass; usually there is some little league game stirring and some dogs chasing Frisbees and some pretty girls dozing on their backs getting some sun. Usually a sure bet for some great scenery to keep my mind off how much I hate running. But, not today.

It looked like Xander and Xander’s twin wearing a long blonde wig were sucking face on a park bench. They looked like they were frantically trying to climb to the top of each other. They both had asses in the front and back. It was a squash humping a gourd.

I am sure Xander got sick of being alone. Every male starts out thinking he can sex Heidi Klum. Movies always have some awkward geek being able to win over a gorgeous woman with just his sparkling decency and uniqueness. Hell, Knocked Up had Seth Rogen sexing Katherine Heigl. But then, as the rejections start to add up in the real world due to physical or financial or personality status issues, Heidi starts to become Tara Reid to your friend’s mom to Jill the Burger King girl. Xander must’ve got fed up with putting lipstick on his left hand and calling that his girlfriend or spending hours searching and downloading internet porn so he could use his robotic vagina simulator in front of his computer screen. So he hit upon this girl, and decided to take it.

Regardless of who the woman was, Xander is lucky; women are more tolerant of big bodies than men. Fat chicks have to accept being tossed aside or start getting really slutty, irrespective of their personality, just to make it with the typical male sensibilities. And they will likely never be considered the dream girl; at best, just an okay-for-now-while-I’m-drinking-and-horny girl. Fat dudes only have to worry about trying to attract a girl with their status, money or personality, and not so much their physique. No amount of money and status will get

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